Surely a five star hotel does not need a survival guide. What’s to survive? A five star hotel is the top of the luxury tree – deluxe room, swimming pool, 24/7 concierge, flat screen TV, no kids jumping up and down on the bed in the morning and all on the company expense account.
“12 tips for surviving a stay In a 5 star hotel” – in order of experiences

  1. Do not give your bags to bell boy: When I get to my room I usually want to unpack, shower and go to sleep in that order. If the bell boy has your bags the preferred order of unpack, shower, sleep changes to wander around room for ten mins waiting for bell boy to arrive, open door, wait uncomfortably for 2-5 mins for bell boy to bring in bag and then leave, stress about whether or not this is a country where tipping is required then get to the 1, 2, 3 of unpack, shower, sleep.
  2. Prep for check-in: At check-in, in one go hand over ID, Credit Card and loyalty card. Reduces questions, check in delay and problems with name pronunciation
  3. Be polite at check-in: You are tired and grumpy but they control everything from upgrades to speed of room service. Be nice. Say thank you.
  4. Get two keys even if there is only one of you: Keep one key in your pocket and the other in your laptop bag away from your computer. Magnetic key cards do not react well to mobiles/smart phones/blackberries. It does not matter how deep the bath or sweet smelling the soap is, if you can’t get into the room because your phone nuked your key and you have to head back to reception for a new one . BTW I hate when this happens and at reception assistants looks at me and says ‘you didn’t keep your key in your pocket did you? We recommend against that’. Makes me want to pull a Russel Crowe
  5. Confirm non-smoking every time: especially for late night check in. Too often I have a non-smoking res only to have the late night staff either not notice or not care. The last thing you want late at night is get to your room, turn around, go all the way back down stairs and effectively check in all over again
  6. Beware the elevator with a minds of its own: if you need a key to activate the elevator, them keep your foot in the door or finger on the open door button until the elevator has recognized the key input. Otherwise look forward to screaming at the button as the elevator timer clicks over faster that you can say ‘there’s no place like home’ and sends you hurtling in the opposite direction to where you want to go.

Full article by Timothy Hughes